The Oct. ’25 2-PAC meeting was called to order at 6:37 PM. The meeting is hybrid-Zoom: 7 in person, 7 on Zoom.
Today is Indigenous Peoples’ Day. First Responders are on duty, but the Precinct is closed to the public. We are at the Monroe Village Community Room, 1900 Central.
Dinkytown has long drawn individuals who live outside the mainstream. Covid and urban unrest made the situation more difficult for all of us. The administrator of University Lutheran Church of Hope contacted me because he was increasingly concerned about safety on ULCH campus. In addition to church members, ULCH is now home to high school students attending PEASE Academy. (https://mtcs.org/pease/) Just locking the doors doesn’t do enough to keep vulnerable people safe — one student was confronted just outside of the building. Some of the litter (needles, etc.) is dangerous.
I started looking for someone to explain how to approach people who were acting in ways that endangered them and the rest of us. When I reached out to Catholic Charities, I got a welcoming response, and we have Patrick Bayle here today.
Bayle: The first tool in the Catholic Charities tool kit is De-Escalation. Catholic Charities’ Approach to Verbal De-Escalation is based on the Crisis Prevention Institute model.
The first thing I want to say about verbal de-escalation is that, in any situation, safety is primary. If you’re not comfortable with engaging with an individual, don’t engage. That’s very important.
We’re not here to fix people. We’re here to learn how to communicate with people who may be elevated, hijacked, or disturbed. If somebody is in distress or aggressive, and you want to have a conversation with them, there are techniques that MAY help them to understand that you’re there to help, and that you want to be more comfortable with them.
If this is something that you’re not comfortable with, don’t engage. That’s rule number one. That’s what we train our skilled workers to do. For the general public, we really emphasize, don’t engage.
I’ve had a 16-year career in direct service case management with the individuals the Catholic Charities serves — those who are most in need. We serve the chronically homeless, severely persistently mentally ill, folks with substance use disorder. We serve at 16 locations in the Twin Cities. We have 19 programs, 545 employees. We’re a large organization. We house more folks each year, but we can’t keep up with the needs. Often these folks are the most challenged in communicating their needs, so having skilled staff and volunteers is very important for what we do. Here are some techniques that we use.
AT WORK Somebody may become suddenly upset for no apparent reason. If you respond, they may start challenging you, like: “Who do you think you are?” or “You can’t tell me what to do!” They may get mad enough to start yelling at you or threaten to file a complaint. You are on the receiving end of confrontational behavior.
Take a minute to think about a time when you felt distressed or challenged by somebody’s behavior and afterwards started thinking, “Well, I might have handled that a little better”. Think about a time when your reaction affected the other person?
Comment: An attender related that she was at work when someone confronted her verbally, but aggressively. She responded by listening to them.
Bayle : Listening is the key in verbal de-escalation. If you can, ignore the tone that someone is using and maybe even the language. The example that [Attender] gave: She faced a couple who came to the door of the church where she works. They were immediately very aggressive to her. And she just listened to their needs.
I’m reinforcing that listening is a key part of verbal de-escalation. Not responding but letting people vent is important. Letting people express themselves sometimes is a very important key.
In the CRISIS PREVENTION INSTITUTE model, all behavior is a form of communication.
Escalating behavior is the communication of increasing distress. You can’t force an escalated person to do what you want, but you may be able to influence their behavior with your behavior. Being calm and listening is one of the ways that you can influence their behavior.
INTEGRATED EXPERIENCE: A Model from CPI
- If the behavior is anxious, we are supportive.
- If the behavior is defensive, we are directive.
- If the behavior is risky, we do safety interventions if it’s appropriate.
- If somebody is self-harming, call 911.
- If the behavior level is building tension, we try to build rapport, trying to have a more civil conversation with an individual in everyday life.
The integrated approach: Think about an encounter.
Did you see the challenging person you were interacting with as in distress? If not, how might your words and behavior have changed if you had seen them as “someone in distress”? Having compassion for people while having safe boundaries is critical.
Question: What is Directive Behavior?
Bayle: It depends on the situation, but
- At Work: a directive to a fellow staff person may be, “Would you like to step over here and have a conversation about this?” You must make your expectations very clear! If you’re in a space where yelling isn’t appropriate, make sure they understand that.
- If the behavior is defensive, letting people vent and listening to them is sometimes useful. Again, we’re not here to change people. We’re here to find ways to respond differently and peacefully to confrontational behavior that’s directed at us. Important: If you can see that person in distress, do not take it personally. The behavior is not about you, it’s about what THEY have going on.
There are five simple strategies for verbal de-escalation.
- A person who is escalating is not in control of their emotions, so keep your own emotions in check to the degree that you can. If your feelings are also out of control, you may make the situation worse. When your response is controlled and rational, it’s likely to have a positive influence on the other person’s behavior.
- Sometimes, listening is key.
- Don’t try to manage their behavior; manage your own. Here or on Zoom, raise your hand if you like being told what to do, especially when you’re pissed off? Anybody? Nobody on Zoom? [No one likes it.]
- Watch your body language. Keep a safe distance. Proximity: always respect an escalating individual’s personal space. We all know what six feet looks like now, right? And a 45-degree angle is much better than facing someone directly. You stand a proper distance away with a more open stance, and
- Keep your hands where they can see them. Think: for someone who’s been living on the street for a long time, if you put your hands in your pockets, it’s an immediate warning It escalates.
Summarizing: Keeping your voice and emotions in check, listening, holding a posture that isn’t threatening, keeping your hands visible, together can help de-escalate an individual.
Again, none of these are solutions. These are techniques that are sometimes effective. And again: safety, safety, safety. If an individual is out of control, get yourself to safety, call 911 and let the professionals handle it.
Watch your Paraverbals: Paraverbals are how I say things and what I say.
Pay attention to the tone, volume and cadence of your voice. Speaking slower and more clearly may be useful to an individual who may be escalated. Volume, cadence, and effective directives are all things that are very helpful in confrontational conversations.
Listening: Develop your ability to listen with compassion and empathy, instead of thinking about what you’re going to say next. Nod your head to acknowledge that you’re hearing what’s being said.
Give feedback that sounds involved: What can I do to help? Is there anything you need immediately? Is there an emergency that you’re experiencing? Ask reflective questions.
If your paraverbals don’t match the words you’re saying, your message can be lost. If I engage with someone in an aggressive manner, they probably won’t remember my message. What they’re going to remember is how I said it.
The last thing you want is more people coming into a situation like this. Remove the audience.
At Catholic Charities, we encourage a team approach. We ask our workers to tap somebody else in, not in a way to confront the individual, but to let them know that there’s somebody else there to be witness to what they’re saying and what we’re saying.
If there is space, take the person aside or ask a colleague to keep bystanders away. The more people in a conversation, the more confusing it can be.
Confronting a single person with two or three people is escalating; they feel their safety is endangered. It’s best if one person takes the lead. If it’s safe, asking somebody step out to just have a conversation, is good.
When you’re dealing with individuals who are in distress or who may be experiencing the symptoms of their PTSD, their trauma, don’t ask “What’s wrong?” Ask “What happened? Asking “what’s wrong” is something that can trigger people. Keep it simple.
DIRECTIVES
People who are agitated may have trouble listening carefully. People can’t hear you when they’re agitated. Some only hear what’s going on in their own heads.
Avoid jargon, complex instructions, and complicated choices. Give people ONLY one or two options.
Be clear, direct, and respectful with what you say. Dignity and respect at the heart of all of this.
Always, no matter what behavior you witness, or what judgments your head may be having about the individual, all human beings have inherent DIGNITY. Honor it, no matter what you think of their behavior or their current situation.
Their behavior is their behavior. Your behavior is your behavior. Again, safety is paramount.
[Example of his defusing an incident at a Quarry retailer, using his training and experience]
So, these techniques work and that was almost instinctive for me. It wasn’t something I had to think about because I’ve used this over and over.
You can form de-escalation groups to practice. Online groups offer scenarios to use with confrontation practice exercises.
Again:
- Be clear, direct and respectful.
- Use reflective questioning.
- Listen carefully and empathetically to the person’s real message.
- Make sure you understand the feelings behind the facts.
If somebody’s agitated, it might be okay to ask what happened. Allow them to explain and try repeating what you’ve heard back to the person to make sure that you’ve got it right. I found repeating what people say to me back to them helps me understand it much better.
Silence. Just listening. Silence can be uncomfortable, but it’s often an effective tool for de-escalating. After someone’s vented to you, don’t feel a need to add anything. Just be there in the silence.
Sometimes people just need you to be with them, not try to change them, not try to fix them, not try to manage them, but to be with them in an uncomfortable situation.
One of the skills that people in our society lack, is the ability to sit in discomfort. We’ve been taught that nothing should be uncomfortable.
Discomfort is oftentimes your friend if you can work with it and be in the silence with it. Sitting calmly in silence with someone can be a form of support. Just be there with somebody.
Important Safety Tips:
· Practice self-care.
· Make sure your emotions are where they need to be.
· Don’t ever put yourself in the middle of a physical altercation. When that occurs in the community or at work, call 9-1-1.
· Having resources for people is important. Knowing at least one phone number to get resources is important.
· Practice with each other. Spend some time every week talking about strategies. Practice the tips and skills outlined. Use online training exercises.
Question: How do you contact CPI to get this training?
Bayle: You can’t. An organization can. Our recertification cost every year is about $5,000. We take this simplified form out into the community.
The training that we do with the individuals at our sites is ]two sessions of three hours, a 6-hour training.
What we introduce to the community is baseline skills, but we don’t want you intentionally stepping into these situations. People need to be trained to do it and to have experience and to have supervision after post-incident debriefs.
Comment: Do you know if the BCR groups that work with the police have had this training?
Bayle: I’ll guarantee you they’re highly skilled in verbal de-escalation. They’re not showing up without these skills. The BCR response teams that work for Ramsey County and Hennepin County are doing really good work. They’re doing a lot of interventions, too.
Quast: If anyone has a question they’d like Mr. Bayle to answer, contact me and I’ll forward them to him.

